Homer, Fisherwoman, courtesy of Mark Harden's Artchive

This section was one of the hardest ones for me to write, for I myself went through PPD after the birth of our third baby.  At the time, I had no idea what was the matter with me, and I tried to "tough it out" on my own.  That only made things harder.  Some time later, my husband and I agreed that if we got pregnant again, we'd make sure that I would have some sort of support system in place after baby arrived.  I planned to let my close friends in on what I might go through, and ask them to check on me every so often.  My husband planned to help out more around the house, so I could get more rest.  And we committed to getting me out of the house more, making sure I would get regular doses of fresh air and light exercise after baby arrived.  Otherwise, I knew I would tend to neglect my needs and pour myself out completely for my new baby, which, while well-intentioned, might leave me exhausted physically and mentally.

I also looked into natural remedies for postpartum depression, and found out that certain vitamin and mineral deficiencies may lead to depression, including during the postpartum time;  see links below for more information.

What follows is a brief account of my experience with PPD following our third baby's birth.  To read about my postpartum time after our fourth baby's birth, go here.

It's true that disappointing or difficult births can set the stage for postpartum depression.  But that was not so in my case.  Our first birth was by far the most strenuous and prolonged for me, yet after that one, and in spite of the fact that I was a first-time mom making all kinds of big adjustments (including caring for a high-need baby), all I had was postpartum blues, or "the weepies" for a couple of days.  Our second child was born much more easily, but my postpartum time was more difficult with him.  He needed me totally, as did my high-need toddler, and on top of that, I had a lot of outside commitments.  I had more weepy days this time, and a huge sense of being overwhelmed and defeated, until baby was older and our toddler was more settled (see the tantrums page for our story).

I had a full-blown case of postpartum depression and more, following the birth of our third child.  Yet his was the easiest and most peaceful birth of all of our children - born gently at home, immediate skin-to-skin contact with me, delayed cord cutting, Leboyer bath, the works.  So I don't agree with the notion that if you have an idyllic or beautiful birth, you're automatically immune from postpartum trouble.  In my case, I think the cause was wacked-out hormones.  Seriously wacked-out.  I was depressed for months following our baby's birth.  Even when I had opportunities to sleep, I often could not, and had many sleepless nights.  During such times, I "couldn't turn my brain off".  Other times, I could barely crawl out of bed.  Still, though I had many "blue" days, I adored my baby and we were bonding great. 

As if the depression weren't enough, for months, I was scatterbrained and my "word retrieval" was poor - that is, I'd forget the words for certain things.  I'd ask my daughter to "bring me the..." and, unable to remember the word for it, I'd have to describe the item to her so she could go get it (might be a baby blanket, diaper, tissue, book, whatever).  It was all so unnerving -- it seemed like I was losing my mind.  Yet I felt I had to "keep it together" for my family's sake, so I stuffed it all in as best I could, though at times I would break down and cry uncontrollably, to my husband's bafflement.  When I finally told him about everything that had been plaguing me, he realized the seriousness of the situation.  It helped me immensely to unburden my heart to my husband, and to receive his prayerful support.  I had been in such a fog that I hadn't even thought to pray.  Instead, I functioned largely on routine or "autopilot", relying on structured, easy-to-use worktexts for homeschool, and on written "to-do" lists to help me see to it that I got at least the minimum of chores done.  If I didn't write things down as soon as I thought of them, they were as good as forgotten (come to think of it, I'm still like that... ;-)

The most difficult thing, I think, was the isolation -- much of it self-imposed.  My husband worked long hours, and I couldn't bring myself to "bother" any of the moms I knew with my troubles -- everyone seemed so busy, and my problems seemed "unimportant" in comparison.  I felt like I should be able to manage my household and my ups-and-downs on my own, and that it would be a terrible imposition for me to let my friends know of my situation, and ask if they could sometimes bring over meals, or help me with housework and caring for our children, or just be available to talk.  Though I vaguely suspected I "needed help", I didn't want to spend the time or money consulting a counselor (a mistake, given what I was going through), and I definitely didn't want to go on any psychoactive medications that might cause negative side effects, or that might require me to wean my baby.  (I have since learned that a few antidepressants can be safely taken during breastfeeding;  see box below for more information.)

Nowadays, there are online support groups and email lists for mothers with PPD, but by the time I found the Toughmoms e-list (which is apparently no longer active), I was already over the worst of it.  There are excellent self-help books on PPD, too;  one is Postpartum Survival Guide, by Dunnewold and Sanford.  According to this book, postpartum symptoms fall along a continnum of severity, from the typical few days of weeping and blueness, to full-on psychosis, when the mother loses touch with reality and actually believes that the strange things she is perceiving and thinking are real.  Certainly by that point, the mother (or someone acting in her behalf) should seek out professional help, but the book also discusses less-severe symptoms (like mine) that indicate the need for counseling and perhaps even treatment. 

If you are suffering from postpartum depression or any other weird postpartum mental troubles, or are concerned you might do so after this or a future pregnancy (because of a history of postpartum reaction), please get help.  Don't try to "be strong" and endure it alone!  Postpartum trouble is not unusual;  a lot of women go through it.  It is a hormonal phase, and you will get better.   Obtaining help and support enables you to find relief that much sooner, and to know that you are not alone.