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Graphics by Lady Jen
Remembering Our Little Ones:
Healing for Pregnancy Loss
Having lost several babies in pregnancy, I well know "what it's
like"... the shock, grief, self-blame, and the wondering "why" are all too
familiar to me. But through the years and the losses, I have
come to learn an important truth that has helped me to be at peace
during subsequent pregnancies: it is a profound blessing and honor
for me to carry a child in my womb, be it for 9 days or 9 months.
I am my children's mother whether or not they
remain here with me on earth... and I will always hold my angel babies
close in my heart.
~~~
Below you will find a few suggested ways, with examples, to aid in healing the grief
after miscarriage or abortion. To one who has never lost an
unborn child, these ideas might seem superficial or ineffective.
But those who have experienced the loss and the grieving often find
that doing one or more of the following really can
help them to cope and to move forward, while preserving the memory
of their little ones:
Name your baby - I have named each of our early-flight babies,
first and middle names, not just nicknames, but full names. I have a gut
feeling on the sex of each baby. This is hard to explain, but I just
know.
Mementos - I have a keepsake that is symbolic
of each baby, plus little
framed baby photos of our born children, all together on a shelf
in our bedroom. No one but my husband knows what the keepsakes symbolize.
It is sort of my "mom's shelf", a memorial or shrine, hard to explain but
very important to me.
Mother's jewelry - one Mother's Day, my husband
gave me the most beautiful ring. It is a narrow gold band embossed with
a pattern of forget-me-nots all around. It is a ring of remembrance; for
me it is a mother's ring. Each flower symbolizes one of my children.
(November 2007): Lovely memorial jewelry may be
found at Miscarriage Memories; the "Baby in My Heart" design is
available in a pendant, pin, charm, and more.
Books - there are probably a number
of good books on this topic; a favorite of mine is I'll Hold You In
Heaven: Healing and Hope for the Parent of a Miscarried, Aborted, or
Stillborn Child, by pastor Jack Hayford. This book has been a tremendous
help to me. It contains much gentle and wise counsel, and includes illuminating
scriptures.
Spiritual solace - years ago, soon
after losing my first baby, the Lord spoke to my heart: "Your son
is with Me." More than anything I myself have done to cope,
His loving comfort and assurance were what lifted me out of the dark
valley of regret, grief and depression that I had been walking in
alone. I learned that He is our Comforter (John 14:16-18); if we draw near to Him, He will draw near to us (James 4:8).
Baby's dad and/or sibling(s) may
also wish to take part in the naming and memorializing.
To help them work through their upset or grief, you might suggest
your child(ren) write letters, draw pictures, etc. for baby.
Other ideas that I've read
elsewhere, including at other pregnancy loss websites:
plant a tree in baby's honor. Create a memory book if you wish.
Write a letter to your baby.
(October
2004): Here's one I hadn't seen
before: start, or even name, a new
business in your baby's honor. One mother who recently wrote me
said she and her husband have done just that. You can visit their
website and read their baby's story here.
Create a webpage in honor of baby. A good place to start is the
Children's Memorial Graphics Net Ring. You may prefer to add your
baby's name to a memorial website instead. Here are two
sites to try:
Dearly
Memorial and
Honored Babies.
I feel it is very important to memorialize each baby, no matter when or how
they were lost, in some way. It can truly help bring healing to baby's
family, and to a mother's heart.
Helpful Links:
Pregnancy Loss Websites
Explaining pregnancy loss to your kids
~~~
Forever
Our Angels
Rowan
Tree Foundation
Over the
Rainbow Online - Perinatal Loss Support Group
Hannah's Prayer
~~~
Healing Hearts Ministries
Safe Haven
From Tears to Joy
To the best of my knowledge, the following webring no longer exists.
But the
ring graphics are so beautiful, I just
couldn't bring myself to remove them...
~~~~~~~
This page created in memory of my four angel babies,
Julian Gregory, Katherine Elizabeth, Amanda Rose, and Rebecca
Marie.
All my love, Mama
~~~~~~~
  
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